I waited for a hand to help me stand up again. I waited and waited, but there was no response whatsoever. I was pushed that far that I sometimes even was happy about others bad fortune, because then I felt I wasn't alone in my misery. I wanted a little attention, some kind words, some love perhaps when I am really lucky.......nothing was to come.

I think I can stay talking about these kind of things forever and I wouldn't get any closer to describing fully the feelings I had at the moment.......eventually it almost brought me to the grim end having a rope hugging my neck. I felt that I was born to suffer, what to live for then anyway.

Now as I turned to God and to his son Jesus Christ and The Holy Spirit, I feel really happy, so happy I have been only a few times in my life, now I can be happy everyday. At first when I took the Bible I read some 200 pages in one turn and when I got to the page where was His face, the face of Jesus, when I saw it I bursted into tears, it was so moving that somebody has got enough love for everybody, His mild friendly face.

I saw a picture of a widow where his son was ressurected and saw Jesus stand there beside them and His cheeks were red, it looked like he had cried for them. It moved me so deeply I couldn't stop crying. After it I felt released, I had emotions again, I felt like I had been given a second chance.

Today when I walked around in my small school in Põlva county, Estonia, I saw that people did recognize me, I just had scared them with my grim looking face. Who would dare to near a man with a face looking like he wouldn't cheer about anything you say to him. I did talk to others so few, they tought I didn't want to talk to them. The endless circle was broken and I am now moving somewhere and what more important I am moving in His way in the only and the right way that leads to Gods halls.

Faith in God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit is the most marvellous thing on earth and everywhere else. Now I see everywhere opportunities and good things. I realised that it all had been there always, I just learned to see, I was blind before, but now I see. He opened the doors for me, He heard me knocking.

Faith is like a Sanctuary where you can find all you need to be happy and secure from the difficulties you may face in your journey. Jesus loves us all, no matter what, if we really do have fate in Him and God we will be redeemed. He leaves nobody behind, all who want to be saved and in their heart belive, will be saved.