My Grandmother used to attend a Christian Church and when I was about 6 years she asked my mother to let my brother and I attend some religious education so we could make up our own minds. The idea appealed to my mother and we took ourselves off to the nearest church.

There we heard stories, coloured pictures, played games. The church was nominal, that is they called themselves Christians and did the outward actions, but didn't really believe or follow the teachings. My brother quickly lost interest, and now on my own an elderly church man started a physical relationship with me which lasted until my first period at about 8-9 years of age. I wasn't sure why he stopped, whether it was fear of pregnancy or that I wasn't a child any more. Feeling rejected I stopped going to church.

I remember my childhood was happy but can't remember much of it. My father's family had 9 children, his mother had 5 husbands, all alcoholics, and all his brothers had ruined their lives with drink and his sisters had all married violent alcoholics. His father was charged with the murder of his second wife, but went to jail for underage relationships with Dad's sisters and brother and suicided in jail. My mother's family was full of infertility, suicide, unfaithfulness and early death.

Divorce was rife and it was confusing meeting the new uncle or aunt and children and comforting the discarded ones who invariably moved on to marry another alcoholic.

At an early age my father decided that alcoholism must run in the blood, so he determined that he would never have the first drink. He also decided that he would never be alone with a child, even his own, in case he would repeat his father's crimes, and that he would be faithful to one wife and never consider divorce. He tried all this in his own strength and failed to save me from being abused, my brother from alcoholism or my mother from asking for divorce.

I stopped going to church, but thought about God. I believe he was guiding my thoughts about who God was. I knew he had to be honest, true to his word, concerned about me personally, loving, forgiving, fair, so that everyone had an equal chance of finding him and serving him and he wanted my whole life. As a teenager I returned to the same church.

We were poor and I earned extra money by collecting scrap, delivering papers and working in a kitchen after school. Girls could not earn the same wages as boys and I knew every penny I had. My mother often talked about divorcing my father and making me responsible for supporting her and my younger brothers. I was too young to leave school so this money was very important to me.

I thought more about God and decided that I would give my whole life to him, but not my money. Several people in my family had taken my money and wasted it, and I thought that God would not realise how hard I had worked for it. This went on for about a year.

An opportunity to travel very cheaply with a Church youth group came up and my father gave his permission for me to go over the school holidays. We travelled in a bus, stayed in church halls and slept on the floor. About 3,200km from home, eating fish and chips with 30 other girls, I suddenly saw my bank book open and a voice say “Will you let this stand between you and Me?” I looked at the balance and it was right, but it now seemed so little against all that God was asking of me. I gave it up to him, even if he was to waste it, and finally gave my WHOLE life to him.

A great sense of relief came over me, like all the tension, fear and uncertainty was broken. I started to cry with happiness and relief. I couldn't explain what had happened because my church didn't talk about "the sinner's prayer", salvation or surrender to God. It was a while before I found someone who understood what had happened to me and encouraged me to read the Bible for myself.

I got a Bible and started reading from the beginning. I talked to God as if he was standing next to me; He talked back. I asked for directions and got them as clear as if I was speaking face to face. I left home to take my first job at 16 and found a Christian church that followed the teachings of Jesus. I grew in leaps and bounds.

I continued my high school education by correspondence and night classes. At 19 years I got my father's permission to attend Bible College, had I been a boy he would have refused. He thought I was more likely to find a good sober, faithful husband there than at work or University. It took all my savings and I had to work part time to study full time.

My faith was sorely tested when my father died, the man who had protected me and guided me although he did not know God. I wandered away from my faith. I had no idea how much I had relied on my father rather than on God and now I had lost both. I lost a lot of my identity – my father was well known and liked and I was often refered to as "his daughter", now I was no one.

I had a stressful job a long way from friends and home when things came to a head. I fell into a deep depression and wanted to die. All the troubles of my family seemed to be happening to me and I remembered my life with God and sought out a church that believed in Jesus. It was 190km away but I found God waiting for me ready to forgive me and let me start again.

It has been 33 years since I gave my life to Jesus Christ. He still has my whole life (and my money) and I have had a tremendous adventure with him that would fill a book. It has not been easy, no one else in my large family has followed my example and I have lived in towns with no other Christians. But God is my strength, he is closer than a brother, loves me like a husband, is a Father to me and he will never leave me.